Underwear

Let’s face it, underwear is a big deal.  You cannot underestimate the power of a good pair of underwear, skivvies, or any name you want to call them by.

Which is why I thought that it was important to get some good ones.  You know, for the kids, for me.  And that is also why I am two days away from leaving, and the perfect underwear has somehow eluded me.

First let’s discuss Zack.  Basic enough, right?  Boxer briefs, nice and comfy all around (so I’ve been told — it’s not like I wear men’s boxer briefs, well, at least, not right at this moment).

But then I was undone by….yes, Labor Day Sale back-to-school-shopping.  Except I didn’t go on Labor Day.  I went the day after Labor Day.  And apparently the penalty for not celebrating laborers on Labor Day by spending lots of money, is that you cannot find the underwear you need.  Because they have all been purchased the day before by other people who are not going on a trip around the world.

I tried valiantly to find those boxers, but to no avail.  Not at Penney’s, Sears, Target.  And so at this very moment, Zack will have to go without underwear for 5 months.  Poor kid.   He’ll be just like my Uncle John who hasn’t worn underwear since the 60’s. (true)

Now, while I was looking for Zack’s underwear at the mall, I was also test driving my new Lands’ End black capri workout pants.  The kind that don’t lose their shape after you’ve worn them for 47 days straight.  I also was test driving my new Nike Free shoes with special inserts in them.  Actually, I had one kind of insert in the left shoe, and another in the right shoe.  So it was like a double-test — to save time which is so very important in these last days.  (And by last days I mean, last days before the trip, not last days before Jesus comes.  Because I’m pretty sure he’ll have the perfect kind of underwear and won’t be at the mall).

But little did I know, that the underwear I chose that day, and in fact the underwear I choose every day, would be test driving ME!  That’s right.  Because when you decide to go on a trip around the world, apparently the underwear that has faithfully served you day in and day out suddently revolts.  It’s up, and then it’s down, and sometimes it’s side to side.  There’s no telling what is going to happen with that pair of underwear, and now I need new ones.  Perhaps a completely new brand that doesn’t come in a 6-pack at Target.

This is where the paralysis sits in.  Who has time to shop for an entirely new kind of underwear at the last minute?  Choosing underwear is like an exact science that takes weeks to perfect.  And I have 48 hours.

I’m going back out tomorrow.  Without my Lands End capris, and without my Nikes.  Just me and the mall mano o mano — in the quest for the perfect pair of underwear.

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8 thoughts on “Underwear

  1. The good news here – and there is good news here – is that your malfunctions happened while in the 206. I had a malfunction in San Francisco and was sucked in by the mall gods and spent way too much money. Oh, and I am ALL about orthotics. I am convinced that they are a sign of my being old, but I need them nonetheless. Blessings to you, my friend!

  2. I really hope the underwear drama worked out, for all of your sakes. Happy Trails to You! Can’t wait to follow you via this hilarious and heart-felt blog. But no pressure! Love to you all…

  3. Mollie and I just toasted (cheap beer for me, brown mud for her) your family trip and pray that you’ll find Christ in those inevitable moments of things not going according to plan. Ciao!
    Got underwear?

  4. But did you find some ?!? my underwear store stopped carrying, okay, my grandma-style briefs, and switched to only hi-cut! The travesty of it all!!!

  5. Just started reading your blog…can’t wait to hear how it all worked out. Take care my friend…we’ll be following your adventures closely!

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